I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
