i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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