so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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