tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
