a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
