I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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