We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
