I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
