I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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