Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
