The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
