I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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