I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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