I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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