Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
