I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
