god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
