We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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