Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
