So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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