Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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