I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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