Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
