the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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