you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
