idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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