i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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