Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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