I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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