Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Panties = found
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
