so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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