I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
