My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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