He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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