Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
