I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
