I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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