He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
