dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
