Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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