I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
