i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sacagawea was the original milf.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
