Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
