i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
