I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
