Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
