you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
