did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i want to swaddle you in tequila
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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