i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
