I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
