i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
